I Think I Might Finally Understand Why Some People Might See Me As Jaded - I've Completely Lowered My Expectations.

very recently, i realized that somewhere along the line my expectations have lowered greatly. and i now understand why people think i'm jaded - already. it's kind of sad. 

i was given my first "managerial" responsibilities at the ripe old age of 22. 22! can you believe that? looking back now, it was a crazy move. i had six who reported to me - and i was clueless. it was your classic example of taking someone who was "technically" sound and a great subject matter expert, and then asking that person to then manage others who did that same work. and it works in some situations - but in many others, it doesn't. back to me though. my biggest struggle in managing people? they failed to meet my expectations, and often. it was my expectation that everyone would produce as much as i did. i expected that everyone would produce at the level of quality that i did. and i expected that everyone else should be just as committed as i was. 

i would bang my head against the wall wondering how to get that same level and same quality of output from others - and constantly lament my frustration to my own managers. "not everyone can be like you, jessica," i was told. which was a fine and dandy response... but i still wondered, do i lower my expectations? the answer then was no, that i shouldn't lower my expectations. rather, we worked on trying to find better ways to get people to where i expected them to be. and that - took a lot of effort. some would eventually get closer to meeting my expectations. but some would never meet my expectations at which point we had to decide whether to cut our losses.

keeping my expectations in place and getting others to rise to them, that was the right approach in that first gig i had as a people manager. but i'm just realizing right now that somewhere along the line, failed expectation after failed expectation has caused me to just lower or completely give up on having expectations - in the workplace, and with personal relationships too. because when you cut people a lot of slack, or when you have little to no expectations of people - it's impossible for them to fail you. and in those rare moments where they do show up and meet your non-existent expectations, you're blown away and left in awe of how great they are which of course is a way nicer feeling than not having your expectations met.

but when you get to the place i'm at - jaded is what i think we can call this - here's what happens. you possibly begin allowing people to not treat you well. you accept mediocrity. you are apathetic. you accept anything and anyone to come as they are because few, or maybe no one meets your expectations anyways. you believe people to be shitty, or dumb, or whatever it means to lack the goods to meet your expectations... and then potentially, you are left surrounded by people who suck. you don't expect any better, after all. you learn to be very accepting and forgiving and you figure out how to work around them. 

now this of course sounds incredibly jaded... maybe even bitter or angry. yes! i just might finally be pissed off about these low or non-existent expectations because that's the only appropriate response and feeling when you have your eyes opened to what someone meeting and exceeding your non-existent expectations. i've had my socks knocked off without my even expecting or demanding it. can you believe that? and now? i'm left wondering how and why i let my expectations fall in the first place.

Comments

[Sean Oliver]

Or you could do what I have started. Expect the best from people. Make the standard awesome.

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